Have you sat around dreaming of the perfect person to spend the rest of your life with?
Do you make a list of all the great qualities that are a must?
Do you then wake up from this day dream and think, this is not the person I am married to?
What you do next can have a huge impact on your relationship.
Let it simmer
If you choose to let these thoughts simmer they will eventually lead you to take action.
You say, “They are never going to make me happy. There’s no hope for this marriage. I give up. I married the wrong person.”
These wandering thoughts left unchecked will make you unhappy. And yes that is a big deal.
Based on of a study completed by “Trends in Wellbeing” an article by Leadership Network came to this, not so surprising, conclusion – “The happily marrieds don’t divorce.” And they also observed that “3-4 percent of couples who are unhappy actually go through a divorce.”
Letting this pattern of thinking run wild can make you unhappy which could eventually convince you that you need to end the relationship.
Your enemy the devil is more than happy to help you with you discontentment. He loves when you start walking down a path that will lead to the destruction of what God has intended to be something beautiful. A covenant relationship that is meant to display the glories of the Church and Christ. (Ephesians 5:22-33)
So determine not let those thoughts go unchecked. Act when you feel there is something that is influencing. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
- Change the channel when you hear those whispers telling you that your spouse doesn’t match up to the person on the screen.
- Turn off that social which seems to only show images of people in some kind of perpetual state of bliss.
- Remind yourself that thoughts of comparison will never lead to a place of contentment.
- But most importantly, lay those thoughts and feelings at the feet of Jesus.
Repent and lay it at the feet of Jesus
Matthew 7:3-5New International Version (NIV)
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
You are sinning when you look to the sawdust in your spouse’s eye because of the hypocrisy you show with the plank in your eye.
This doesn’t mean that there is not a place where you lovingly confront your spouse about sinful tendencies and habits. I believe that if you love someone you should confront them so that they repent. (Matthew 18:15-17) So check your motives. If you are noticing faults in your spouse, make sure that you are doing this out of a right heart.
But if you find that the reason you are seeing faults with your spouse is based on sinful thoughts born out of the seeds of discontentment, comparison, and selfishness, then you need to repent and bring it all to the feet of Jesus.
The beautiful thing about your savior is that He understands what you are going through because He was “tempted in every way that we are.” (Hebrews 4:15-16)
So don’t let these thoughts that come from the pits of hell find a resting place in your mind. (2 Corinthians 10:5)
So how do you fix your spouse?
The best way to fix or improve the relationship is by allowing Gods amazing grace to flow through your veins to the point where you become the ideal spouse.
The spousal advice the Bible gives is not one you apply to the other person, it is advice for you to apply to yourself.
Ask God for the power to become that best spouse you can possibly become. Become the spouse you would want them to become. What Christ shows us in how He relates to the Church is that He gives himself sacrificially for the one He loves.
He doesn’t say when you become the Church that I envision, then I will love you. No, He loves the church right where it is – in its most unlovable state.
This is what God calls us to. Not a relationship that harps on compatibility and how your spouse isn’t making you happy.
But a relationship that overflows with grace towards an unlovable, sinful husband or wife.
What thoughts are you allowing to run wild?
Are there any influences you need to eliminate?